Anxiety

Therefore Do Not Be Anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. Matthew 6:34

 

I am struggling so much with this today. We know that there is court tomorrow concerning relatives’ appeal to keep the children. We also know that that appeal also includes the baby. I would be lying if I said I could be happy about them staying with relative. I want to convince myself that it could be best. In my heart I think they would have a fuller life in our home. I am being really honest right now. These thoughts said aloud to relative right now would break her heart. I don’t want that. So I am putting it out here in the void where no one knows me or these children or their parents. I want the kids, all three of them.  I have hope that the kids best interests are to be here with us, to become our forever family, that mamaw and all other relatives interested will become apart of our extended family, that birth mom and dad will stay apart of their children’s lives also, that it will be one big open adoption! I am laughing at myself even as I type these thoughts. How did I get so attached in one month? How did I fall so deeply in love with these children in three days worth of visits?! I don’t know. And we are miles and miles away from this end goal. All that is being decided tomorrow is whether they can live with relative or us in temporary custody while bio parents get their act together! I may be crazy. I am crazy. But this is how I feel. This is what I am thinking. It is raw and real and very, very painful.

Now let me be a little less raw, a little more compassionate and way less selfish. I do not know God’s plan in this. I know He has put us here in perfect timing. I know we are supposed to help in whatever way we can. I know that relative has loved and cared for these children and bio parents better than most would. I know that no matter what these children will be provided for, protected and loved. God has placed an abundance of people in their lives to do that no matter how the court decides to do things.  I know that relatives hearts will break a little if they don’t win tomorrow. I also know that if they don’t win tomorrow, relatives will NOT lose these children because we will open our home and hearts to them as well as the children. I know that God has a plan and I know that His plan is always better than mine. The only exception to that is when His plans and mine are the same and I know that only happens because of His Grace and Love and Mercy.

Meanwhile I will cry out to the Lord to help me hold on to His Word… Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself, Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. Matthew 6:34

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