This is Not right.

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We have sort of been told that little Hiccup is going to be leaving us and going back to her mom soon. The next court day is in early march. We have had a super emotional weekend. Our bodies are broken along with our hearts. You can go through all this crazy emotional roller coaster and not pay the price physically eventually. No gray hair so far but I feel like I could sleep till next week! Trying to fight the urge to spiral into a depressed funk. It simply is not right to pack up your babies belonging in preparation to give them to another person. I don’t know if this is similar to the feelings a bio mother has when she chooses to give her baby to an adoptive family. I am guessing it is similar. We did choose this after all. You go into foster care with the hope of adoption but the reality that these babies/ children have a family. We never know if the family will do the work they need to to be able to parent their children. That reality is always right there with every milestone, dirty diaper, “I love you” and visits! We are aware of it but it should never stop you from loving the child like they are yours, attaching and bonding. It is so very important for each child in the system. It is also why there are so few people willing/ able to cope with being a foster parent because the grief when they leave is real and hard and devastating. It is Not right to pack up your baby and had them over to someone else.

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4 thoughts on “This is Not right.

  1. So sorry that you have to do this. My husband and I are pursuing foster adoption. We are cautiously optimistic that we will get paired with a child that is essentially ready to be adopted but we have to be prepared for the worst. I’ve been reading your blog for a bit and I just wanted to pop in and offer some support. Thinking of you, your family, and baby Hiccup.

    • Thank you so much for your kindness. I am so excited to hear of others pursuing this wild journey. I think there was a huge part of me that secretly hoped that our first placement was going to turn into our forever child, it’s possible right!!? 🙂 I can tell you that the pain of this letting go is more than I could have imagined but the love I have for my sweet baby girl is also more than I could have imagined. This whole foster/ adoption thing is always a complete contradiction. Glad to have a friend in my blog life!

      • I’m slowly learning how crazy this whole thing is going to be! It’s going to be tough but I think all we’ve been through so far has just prepared us for this next journey. It’s good to know there are others out there like us and it’s good to have friends! I look forward to following along with you as you continue on this crazy path!

  2. I am so sorry to hear of your loss, but grateful that this precious little one has been so Loved by you! My husband and I have been fostering for 2years and I understand the joys and pains that come with the process. Praying for your heavy hearts and for your forever child to find his/her way to your Loving arms!

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