We have sort of been told that little Hiccup is going to be leaving us and going back to her mom soon. The next court day is in early march. We have had a super emotional weekend. Our bodies are broken along with our hearts. You can go through all this crazy emotional roller coaster and not pay the price physically eventually. No gray hair so far but I feel like I could sleep till next week! Trying to fight the urge to spiral into a depressed funk. It simply is not right to pack up your babies belonging in preparation to give them to another person. I don’t know if this is similar to the feelings a bio mother has when she chooses to give her baby to an adoptive family. I am guessing it is similar. We did choose this after all. You go into foster care with the hope of adoption but the reality that these babies/ children have a family. We never know if the family will do the work they need to to be able to parent their children. That reality is always right there with every milestone, dirty diaper, “I love you” and visits! We are aware of it but it should never stop you from loving the child like they are yours, attaching and bonding. It is so very important for each child in the system. It is also why there are so few people willing/ able to cope with being a foster parent because the grief when they leave is real and hard and devastating. It is Not right to pack up your baby and had them over to someone else.