Oral surgery and mini vacation

The surgery went fine but the medications and my newly developed allergy to the antibiotic caused much misery. After surgery I took my meds, which included an antibiotic and a pain killer, and passed out only waking up to itch, take my meds and get nauseous till I layer back down and passed out. That was the first 24 hrs. The following day we traveled to another state for our “distraction” vacation. I had decided I would try to not take the pain killer thinking that was what was making me itchy and sick. Lets just say it was the worst three hours I have had since leaving little Hiccup. The vomiting wouldn’t stop. Couldn’t even keep water down. Took my self off the antibiotic, called dr, life was 100% better within a couple of hours.

That was probably way too much detail. This trip was supposed to be a happy distraction if little Hiccup wasn’t with us. I was supposed to bask in the joy of not having all the extra complications of traveling with a baby. Fail. I had already thought this trip out with her. Imagined how I’d carry her in the moby everywhere and thought through how we would manage the schedule around hers. I missed her so much. Everywhere we went there were babies her age. The pool, the museum, the aquarium … EvErywhErE!!!! So I am choosing to believe this trip was just a concentrated healing time since I was forced to think about what has happened and forced to miss her and grieve, more.

We did have fun. Most of my ” concentrated healing” was internal and had little effect on the family. I enjoyed my sweet Thing 1,2 & 3 immensely.

Of course we still have had no call. I don’t see that changing really until we switch to no agency. We are holding still for now, I guess until I am sure I am ok. How will I know when that is? Maybe when I don’t feel guilty for not going to visit Little Hiccup more often. Possibly when I can see other people with their babies and not need to cry. Could even be when I can’t stand waiting any longer.

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