Too busy to post here is a picture.

July is happening

This will be a long post. I am having trouble lately feeling motivated to post. I tend to want to know what’s going on and around here….we just don’t.

I had a birthday and the 4th of July happened. Both were nice family times.

We have had Rough Nut, Tough Nut and Hiccup a ton lately. Let me back up a bit. Bio is back in jail. I know. Ridiculous. So I have been dropping by every other day or so to check on them and usually end up bring them home for a sleep over to give the Relative a moment to get things done or just rest. I get mixed messages every time I pick them up. I leave one time thinking they really want us to adopt. I leave the next time thinking they just want a little help and don’t want anything more. We are still completely open to adoption. There seems to be a hesitation because of our lifestyle (homeschooling….. this seems mostly because of school sports and church… We don’t go to a big church instead just get together with others in our homes). We are also completely open to just staying involved to help out, like an awesome aunt and uncle. I would really like to know what their desire is though. We plan to talk with them soon. It’s simply difficult to talk because there are always children around. It’s not a child friendly conversation.

Meanwhile our agency has not called with one placement! We’d probably say no but still! They also keep loosing our paper work and we have many hours of training to fulfill in the next few months. We want to keep our house open just incase the kids end up in the system again. We are thinking of switching over to state though to simplify.

We have also decided several months back that we want to keep the door to more bio children. We don’t feel like we want to get attached to any more children in foster care for now since these three are a commitment as long as Relative will allow us to be involved. This is a point of confusion also since if we were able to adopt them we probably wouldn’t want to have more children anytime soon. On the other hand if we are only going to stay involved but not adopt having more children sounds wonderful.

Thing 1,2 & 3 are having a blast this summer. July is an especially exciting month. Lots of overnights with Rough Nut, Tough Nut, and Hiccup. A long weekend out of town staying with family (their cousins). Then one of their cousins will stay with us for several days at the end of the month.

So if I don’t post for awhile. That’s what’s going on.

Going home

Relative’s relative called today to say she would pick up the kids tonight after a very late game. I asked if we could keep them until morning. Glad negotiations are so simple and easy at the moment. We have had Hiccup for three night and ToughNut for two nights. Honestly I was hoping to get to have them longer. I guess we will see where it goes from here. I will be missing them though! This time though I am at peace about it because I know I can and will be just dropping in to see them nearly every day.

Bedtime

I am laying here tonight helping ToughNut go to sleep. I have my phone. Why? Because last night I nearly lost my mind after two hours of waiting for her to fall asleep. I have no intention of staring at a blank wall tonight. This bedtime routine is rough for everyone involved. Mainly me and ToughNut. She is used to her relative sleeping with her and her brother. I do not sleep with her. Partly because when we were fostering them we had rules to follow. Partly because I need my own space at night. I do however stay with her till she falls asleep and if she wakes up crying I bring her to my room where she sleeps next to my bed but not in it. It works but it isn’t always easy. Tonight I am prepared for the long drawn out process of helping someone else go to sleep. Between ToughNut and Hiccup I am up every couple of hours through the night. It’s work but I love it.

Bottles and memories

I woke up this morning and washed a few remaining bottles from yesterday and the smell of Hiccup was still on my shirt. Morning made.

I am missing her today.

Sometimes I feel a little guilty that my bond to Hiccup is so much stronger than to Rough Nut and Tough Nut. I think though that is what is expected since they never actually lived with us and she was in our arms for four months. Either way I would move mountains to protect and love all three of them. I feel the same about all three of them but it is just more intense with Hiccup. That would change if we were allowed to spend much time with them.

Beach day

I had Tough Nut and Hiccup most of the day yesterday. I took them along with Thing 1,2,&3 to the local beach. I was so fun but very exhausting!

I won’t get to keep them for a few day now. Boooo. I have a big wedding cake for a friends wedding and I have to focus on it today and tomorrow.

We didn’t get to have Rough Nut because he had a ball game in the evening so hopefully next week we can have some fun with all three! Thing 1 is missing Rough Nut pretty badly.

Another drop in

We dropped in again today. Stayed for about an hour. Kids all played together except for Thing 3 who stayed with me. We played with Hiccup and the. Rocked her to sleep. We made plans for tomorrow for all three to come on an outing with us but later got a call and a cancel. Boo.

Fun times with Hiccup

Finally…

I had stood about as much time as I could handle without seeing Hiccup. I am a little more comfortable with Rough Nut and Tough Nut not seeing us as often ( although I don’t like it) . But Hiccup needs to be around us to keep a connection besides the fact that she is growing like wild!

I had attempted phone calls and texts to both Relative and Bio mom with no success. I decided Monday I couldn’t wait any longer I had to at least attempt to see everyone. I stopped by unannounced.

Success! A little shocking to find out the latest news. Bio mom has gotten in a pickle again. I won’t go into much detail (partially because I have no details) but it has left Relative and the other relative on their own with three kids. Let’s just say their ages together add up to roughly 140 and they are trying care for an active 7 yr old, an on the go toddler and a 7 month old. Crazy.

I ended up with Hiccup all day!!!! And an insistent promise, from me to them, that I will be coming by nearly everyday. I don’t know where this is going but I am so happy to get to be involved so much again. I am so in love with these kiddos.

Jones and I don’t know what this is going to mean for our future in foster care. I can’t just ignore these sweet babies just because we aren’t actually placed with them. I also can’t see being able to stay involved like we want to with another placement. So we are up in the air about it for now.

No contact!

I have tried to contact both bio mom and Relative with no luck. It will be three weeks Wednesday. 😦